Memories, The Before And After MS Diagnosis

Memories, those moments we cherish often and deliberately invoke whenever we need either some comfort or in the worst cases, some self petty. During the last years, My memories turns around the before and after my MS diagnosis, like what a blowing flower looks like, before and after sunset, an analogy that doesn’t represent the whole picture. That said, as I grow up and live with MS, I find that I’m more like a funambulist on a thin and capricious rope, avoiding any dramatic fall and doing my best to keep my balance, by looking up front to what is to come instead of lamenting myself about what was left behind. 

…the most important event that happened in my life in the last decade…

The MS diagnosis is a major life event for each one of us MSers, in fact, it is the most important event that happened in my life in the last decade. It reshaped my style of life, my vision and overall life expectations. 

At first, I instinctively disregarded any feeling or emotion triggered by MS, as I was still in a denial period. I was simply refusing to a knowledge that MS is real and will be part of my life from now on. 

I was doing my best to stay flexible as possible, to be present and ready whenever someone’s appeal to me for many years, despite my fatigue and exhaustion. In the other hand, I also witnessed the unconditional sympathy and support of those close to me, even though it wasn’t always easy for them to comprehend my condition turmoil. 

…some simple life style changes have improved my overall health…

But facing MS in a crosscurrent position was not a good strategy. As I simply couldn’t avoid taking full responsibility of my choices and consciously make the necessary changes to take back my life from MS. 

It took me some time to accept and embrace my health condition. Especially when I could see and feel how some simple life style changes have improved my overall health and clarified my life vision and objectives. 

But life with MS is not a never-ending waterfall of positive energy and experiences, it might even become the opposite. But why should I focus on the gloomy side only.  

…I also happily welcome those small daily victories over MS symptoms.

By balancing my perception to the whole MS impact on my life, I try to live each moment with it ups and downs. I no longer need to turn my back on the painful side of MS, but instead, I try face and logically evaluate those challenges. I do succumb to my emotional breakdowns, but I also happily welcome those small daily victories over MS symptoms. Both are undeniable components of my life and memories. 

I noticed that instead of living the moment and building the future as I want it to be, or at least do my best, I had the tendency to visualize an apocalyptic future, maybe in an attempt to get used already. After sometime, I did realize that I shouldn’t worry that much about tomorrow, and if I do, instead of giving up to that pessimistic picture I build by myself, I should positively and logically react to it, and do what’s necessary to avoid that final checkpoint with MS. Or at least minimize it impact. 

Having a couple of medium to long-term objectives helps me right now take back that desire and will to live, shouldn’t we take back our lives from MS? C’mon!